5 Sleep Mistakes Parents Make with Their Kids and How to Fix Them
Children will make every excuse to avoid or delay their bedtime, whether it’s a trip to the bathroom, a glass of water, monsters under the bed, or just “five more minutes” of screen time. But did you know that some of these bedtime struggles might be a result of sleep mistakes made by parents?
As parents, we know that sleep is essential to our children’s overall health and well-being. But there’s no question that getting them to bed can be an uphill battle. Let’s tackle some typical bedtime mistakes and find practical solutions so your children—and the rest of your family—get a good night’s sleep.
#1 The Incorrect Amount of Sleep
Many parents don’t realize just how much sleep their kids need—or that those needs change as they grow. Not sure where your child stands? The American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) has some handy guidelines to help you figure it out:
- Infants (4 to 12 months): 12 to 16 hours, including naps
- Toddlers (1 to 2 years): 11 to 14 hours, including naps
- Preschoolers (3 to 5 years): 10 to 13 hours, including naps
- School-aged children (6 to 12 years): 9 to 12 hours
- Teenagers (13 to 18 years): 8 to 10 hours
Not getting enough sleep can lead to health problems for your kids, such as attention difficulties, behavior issues, diabetes, and depression. Sleep deprived teens can be more likely to have suicidal thoughts or actions. On the flip side, sleeping too much can increase the likelihood of obesity, mental health challenges, and hypertension. If you notice any of these symptoms or your child is reluctant to improve their sleep schedule, consider speaking with their doctor or a sleep specialist.
The Solution
To make sure your child is getting the right amount of sleep, count backward from their wake-up time to set an ideal bedtime. It may take some trial and error to find the sweet spot, but it’s worth it! Children who get the right amount of sleep often show noticeable improvements in:
- Attention
- Behavior
- Learning
- Memory
- Emotional regulation
- Overall mental and physical health
#2 Lack of a Consistent Bedtime Routine
Does your family struggle with sticking to regular bedtimes? Maybe your partner puts the kids to bed 30 minutes earlier or later than you do, or your little ones always seem to need the bathroom after being tucked in. Inconsistency and lack of routine can lead to missed bedtimes, not enough sleep, and, let’s face it, frayed tempers by the end of the day..
The Solution
Children thrive on consistency, and a nightly routine with wind-down activities signals that bedtime is approaching. While routines vary by age, they have four elements in common: nutrition, hygiene, communication, and physical contact. A small snack, brushing their teeth, reading a bedtime story, and tucking your child in covers each of these elements, but it helps if a bedtime routine is also fun and relaxing.
Allot 15 to 60 minutes before bedtime for activities that help them wind down and calm their minds. Depending on their age, consider these suggestions:
- Reading books
- Working on a puzzle
- Talking about their day
- Sensory activities such as swinging or rocking
- Playing family board games
- Gentle stretching or yoga
- Guided meditation
- Deep breathing exercises
- Arts and crafts
- Journaling
- Listening to relaxing music
- Getting ready for the next day
As children get older, their bedtime routine should grow with them. Adjust bedtimes and offer different activities that your children find interesting and relaxing.
#3 Not Setting Bedtime Limits
From toddler meltdowns over the “wrong” pajamas to your preteen who, once again, forgot to finish their math assignment, kids have countless excuses to avoid bedtime. Giving in to repeated requests that prolong their bedtime can signal that their bedtime is flexible – and that a good night’s sleep isn’t a priority. Setting limits can be challenging for parents, especially if your children aren’t used to having them. Thankfully, you can break these negative bedtime habits and put your children back on the track to healthy sleep.
The Solution
When facing the issue of bedtime limits, this is a perfect time to reiterate why you set a time for them to go to bed. Explain to your child that their body needs rest during the night and that the right amount of sleep benefits their physical and mental health. Children who don’t adhere to a consistent bedtime can struggle to wake up in the morning. Here, you can make the case that the bedtime you’ve set provides adequate time for sleep and should make it easier for them to wake up.
Older children and teens should be able to understand why you set a particular bedtime. Younger children often push the limits by taking trips out of their bedrooms and asking parents to come back in. Dr. Lynelle Schneeberg, a Yale Medicine psychologist, calls these events “curtain calls” and “callbacks.”
She and pediatric sleep specialist Dr. Craig Canapari recommend using a “bedtime pass” to gradually reduce the number of times your kids wander out of their bedroom or call you back in. Depending on how many times a night your child does “curtain calls” or “callbacks,” give them a specific number of “passes” and gradually reduce the number over time. If they don’t use all of their passes, they get a small reward the next day. Dr. Canapari suggests that parents explain the reward system in advance and practice their entire bedtime routine during the day to set them up for success.
#4 Relying on Screens Before Bed
There’s no denying it: screens are everywhere—and it’s tempting to rely on them for entertainment or to help calm down your kids before bed. However, using electronics before sleep can seriously disrupt your child’s rest.
In a recent survey by the Better Sleep Council, children whose parents considered them to be poor sleepers spent an average of 13.5 hours per week on electronic devices. The survey also found that children with smartphone access or use before bed on school nights represent 65 percent of poor sleepers.
The Solution
Of the parents in the survey who reported that they “always” or “often” restrict smartphone use before bed on school nights, 46 percent said their children were excellent sleepers. These findings suggest that it’s not the devices themselves but the restrictions that determine how well children sleep. A good rule of thumb is to require children to put up or turn off electronics at least one hour before bedtime. You can even include this activity in their bedtime routine to help establish a screen-free bedtime habit.
#5 Staying – or Sleeping – in Your Child’s Bedroom
Extending your stay with an extra story or laying down in your toddler’s bed can cause your child to become dependent on you so that they can fall asleep. Whether this happens at bedtime or in the middle of the night, staying or sleeping in their room doesn’t teach your child to sleep independently – nor does it give you time to complete the day’s household chores and relax.
The Solution
Schneeberg suggests placing a few items within reach of your child’s bed, such as books, stuffed animals, or small, nonstimulating toys that they can use to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own. You can also offer a flashlight or book light so they don’t have to get out of bed to turn on an overhead light.
In addition, make sure your child’s mattress is the correct size so they have the best chance for a good night’s sleep. Babies can usually transition out of their crib around age two or when they reach 35 inches in height, and the move to a twin mattress – with or without safety rails – is an exciting time for you and your child! While you don’t need to include them in the mattress selection process, allowing them to help pick a new set of sheets or a cozy comforter helps them learn to make independent choices.
Keep in mind that you should consider replacing your mattresses every seven years, and your growing child may need a larger mattress sooner. Full—and queen-sized mattresses are good choices for a bed that can last them through the rest of their childhood. Include them in choosing a mattress and let them pick their bedding as their tastes or interests change!
You’ve Got This!
Don’t worry if you’ve made some of these common sleep problems with your kids. Give them a little time to adjust to any changes you are implementing. Your children—and entire family—will thrive when everyone embraces a good bedtime routine.
Want to dig a little deeper into the habits of young sleepers? Click here to read more of the Better Sleep Council’s Kids and Sleep Survey results!
